Doing what it takes to be me...

So here it is…the cold hard truth…I stood in my kitchen and I cried for food. Its not that I don’t eat or that I never treat myself. It’s that I want to eat junk, everyday, all day. I don’t want to think about food. I don’t want to think about my health. I don’t want to carry this burden for the rest of my life. But I will because I have to.

So here’s what happened…After the holidays as many of you already know. I vowed to get back to work on my health and my body. And I did just that for a few days or a few weeks at a time. For me eating is an addiction. I crave sugar and fat. If I went through a day with out giving it any thought I’d eat things like cookies and cookie dough and fast food for every meal. I love cheeseburgers and french fries and the sad thing is I’ll eat them from anywhere even if the taste really isn’t all that good. My body wants most anything that isn’t good for it.

I’ve come to realize though that it’s a mental and emotional issue for me too.  The night I cried I told Joey that I wanted to go out to eat and get “an emotionally soothing dinner” and though he knew I’d bite his face off he stood there and said that I have to pull it together. He’s a good man! Thank God for him!

 Joey reminded me that the battle I’m fighting isn’t just about eating right it is about becoming the person that I want to be, the person that I know I can be. I cried for food because I realized that this is going to be a lifelong cross for me to bear. It will never become natural for me to make the right healthy choices. I will always have to push myself beyond my comfort zone and preferred food coma zone to be who I can be – the real me!

When I’m sharing my successes never think that it all comes easy for me and that you are alone in your struggles. That is just NOT the case. I want to share everything, the good, the bad and the ugly so that I can inspire you to challenge yourself to be the real you too!

It’s not always easy but it is sooooo worth it. So I’ll take a moment to look back to remind myself just how worth it it really is...

What this picture doesn’t show is how much better I really feel when I get over my struggles and make the right choices for myself and my body. I want to reach my final weight goal once and for all. I weighed just now and I am back to 175 so that means I want to lose 20 more pounds. I already know what I have to do. The tools are right before me – my AMAZING Vi shakes and quality and nutritious snacks and a meal. Add as much exercise as I can muster and I’m on a roll. It really is that easy once you kick your negativity and commit to your goals.

Find me on Facebook to see my Challenge updates and get tips and motivation!

Let’s do this!!!

The night I accepted the challenge and why I've been married 10 years and counting...

Today is the 10th year anniversary of my marriage to Joey. He is truly a God send and I work hard daily to live up to being the kind of wife he deserves. I'm sure I fall short most days but he swears I'm the best. :)

In my previous post I mentioned being aware and ready to accept what God lays before us. Over 10 years ago I knew I believed that God existed but I wasn't ready to give myself to Him. I was at the end of my college days and felt like I didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian and I felt - like most things in my life that I couldn't live up to it anyway - so why bother trying. Then I met Joey. He didn't preach his faith to me like a lot of the Christians I had met in my college area. Instead he lived it as well as he could being a human. In fact in my eyes, he lived it better than a hand full of some of the Christians that had attempted to get me closer to God. I fell in love with this man for many reasons. One day while on the back of his motorcycle riding through the mountains we passed a little country church with a sign that said, "When you look into the eyes of Love, you'll see the eyes of God." Wow - Its not everyday that God sends us a sign in actual sign form!!! I realized that day how much I had to learn from this man and I knew at that moment I would one day marry him. SO here's to 10 years boogie! I love you dearly!

Now about the night I joined the challenge...
When Suzanne came to my house to throw a challenge party I knew before she got there that I was ready to change my health. I was nervous but like I've said before I'd ignored the signs long enough watching her receive the blessing I'd been begging for so I made myself ready to do my part.


I was sitting down with Suzanne to sign up when Joey came home with the kids and announced that the transmission was going out in the van. Transmission going out equals breaks working just fine on my drive to a better me. :( Again - my husband comes thru with his usual faith and encouragement. He pulls me off to the side and told me that I can do anything and that we'll find a way. Maybe this is a sign that God wants me to jump in with both feet and face Challenges and life head on. And so I pushed the fear and doubt to the back and I jumped in with both feet!

Sometimes when we try to break free of the things we've allowed to hold us back - that is when we have to brace ourselves for the obstacles that will be thrown in our way. Money is always a good excuse to keep us from bettering ourselves. Its easy to blame money or time for our inability to change. Yet we some how justify spending our money and time on things that aren't healthy or things that don't nourish us.

Everyday I face obstacles, big and small, but I am learning to jump in with both feet like Joey encouraged me to do that night. I've found that no matter what if I hold my head high and do the things I don't always want to do and more than anything pray hard and pray often, then I make it through. No everyday isn't perfect and happy - but I get stronger everyday and that and 10 years of marriage is something to be proud of.

Take risks and never give up! Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself.

Who am I? I am...

Anyone who has known me or has been following this blog knows that I started this because I wanted to make some changes in myself. I caught myself admiring successful people and wanting to be the kind of person that works hard, never gives up and achieves. I never saw myself as this type of person and I've been on a mission for years to change this.

I've tried almost everything, with my typical half-hearted effort though. But I never found a way to pull myself out of the slump of feeling worthless, unmotivated and lazy. Add to that that I was getting fatter and fatter and in turn less and less healthy and I was creating a person that had no drive and couldn't get thru the day without praying for a nap. Most days I'd find a way to get one even if it meant missing out on things in life. I'd rather be sleeping.  I was on a downhill slope and negativity was snowballing. Everything fed off of everything else. I was so tired so I needed a nap, I'd feel guilty for napping so I'd beat myself up telling myself how lazy and worthless I was, I'd feel miserable so I'd get more tired.

 I started to pray. I prayed hard and often about the same thing...God please help me. I feel so worthless and I want to be more. Help me to do better. Help me understand how to live for You. I want to feel like what I do and who I am matters. I know Lord that I am loved by You but I have dragged myself so low that I have a hard time even feeling that lately. Show me God what I need to break free from this low so that I may walk with You. Help me to have you in my thoughts, my words, my actions and my heart today and always. Amen.

And I prayed and nothing ever seemed to change. The next nap came and I told myself its ok - tomorrow I will change. And I prayed some more. I kept asking God to help me but I never really tried to help myself. I'm sure that God was sending me the signs I needed and putting me where I needed to be but I wasn't doing my part. I hadn't become willing to look and listen. I hadn't become willing to be Helped. Not even God can help someone that refuses to attempt to help themselves.

I watched my friend Suzanne Barger make changes in her life. The kind of changes I was looking for. I watched her and I ignored the signs and I envied her and I wanted to unfriend her on Facebook for shoving her happiness and success down my throat. How dare she be getting what I was praying for. And all the time she was asking me to join her and I ignored some more. But God and my husband and Suzanne diligently nudged me in the right directions until one day I asked for help because I was ready to help myself. I joined the Body By Vi 90 day Challenge with Suzanne.

Hear me out...This isn't just about weight loss.

Soon I'll backtrack and tell you all about the night I joined but for now lets jump ahead. Joining the Challenge gave me accountability and I was blessed to have joined on a unwavering team with the most friendly, knowledgeable and supportive people  across the country. Add to that a product that needs no explanation because the results speak for themselves and I was finally given the tools I needed to make real changes. Thank you God!

Weight loss has been fairly easy for lack of better words. I'm 41 pounds down today about 1/3 into my 2nd 90 day challenge. I have energy and I feel like a different person. This weekend I went out in the heat to play with the kids and other family I was visiting  instead of sleeping while everyone else played with my kids! Not only that - I enjoyed it even though it was hot! AND after we came in from the heat and my nephew making me chase ground balls around the baseball field - I still wasn't worn out! I've built stamina! I'm not missing out on my life anymore! I'm challenging myself and I striving to be my best! I'm working hard even on days I don't really feel like it. I'm not giving up - I'm pushing through. I'm transforming more than my body! I am working on all of me!

Today I asked all of my family and friends to describe me in one word. I wanted to know how other people described me so I could focus on becoming the word I want to be known for. I didn't know what to expect. I was thinking I'd get things like friend or kind - typical words that people that love you say. The word I got several times was Driven! What!? Me?! I am becoming the person I have always know I can be. I am a Challenger! I am an Achiever! I AM DRIVEN!

Do yourself a favor - Help yourself! Don't ignore the signs as long as I did! Look and Listen!

Motivation

For those of you who have been following this blog you know that I've been on we'll say a journey to become the person I know I can be. I've seen myself for a while as lazy, fat, unmotivated and unimportant. I stared this blog in an effort to "find myself" and with life as it is. the good and the bad, its been in the back of my mind but rarely on my to do list to keep this blog going.

If you haven't heard I have started the Body Bi Vi 90 day health challenge. I am in awe daily and what I have learned about myself in just 4 short weeks of being on this challenge. I am so moved and so excited and I hope to share this feeling with as many people as I can. I won't go into details about the Challenge today but if you are interested please feel free to contact me and check out my website. http://jenniferrburgess.myvi.net/

 Today lets talk about motivation and staying on track...

I have found that one of the BEST things about this Challenge is the support group that you create yourself with the refer 3 get your next month Free. Its completely awesome to get such a great quality product for free but more so than that the gathering of people with the same goals makes me feel more motivated and accountable.

I've been making an effort to surround myself with little motivations. My thoughts, words, actions and activities and the people I choose to spend time with have to be nourishing. We so easily fall into the habit of listening to and talking about negative topics. We get sucked in to watching and reading trash via media. We even create a pattern of complaining and gossiping with our family and friends. And we assume that we are enjoying the entertainment and the conversation - but garbage in...garbage out. Negativity spreads like disease if you don't keep it in check.

But positivity can spread too! Here's what works for me...

1. Prayer - I personally do all things with God's guidance.
2. Drop the toxic friends...This isn't always easy and doesn't necessarily mean you have to "break up" with these people. Just be on guard - limit time together if needed and work hard to keep interactions and communication positive. I'm lucky enough to have started this a while back! I choose friends much more wisely these days.
3. Social Media - Spread Motivation and Encouragement online. Looking for quotes and images that are positive will lift you up too and then you can share that with your friends.
4. Celebrate little achievements and keep goals in mind -
There are days when I'm feeling lazy, hungry or just down right grumpy. On these days remember the little things that add up. Every inch dropped when the scales don't move. Feeling a little more comfortable in those jeans than last week. Drinking water when you really wanted soda. All these things are achievements and when you celebrate these it becomes easier to keep your eyes on the big picture.
5. Remember your "Why"-
If you don't know your WHY spend time today figuring it out. When all else fails you can look to your reasons for setting the goals in the first place. What got you motivated to begin can see you through.




Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day. ~Thornton Wilder

Challenge: Be my best and be myself

I did it! With the loving financial generosity of my Mother in Law (who at this point is more excited than I am) I rejoined Weight Watchers! Weight Watchers works for me because I'm lazy and I crave attention. **blushing smile*** Weight Watchers makes me accountable (MIL funding will also do that!) and they give me gold stars for achievements. Seriously - I'm 35 and I love getting a gold star shaped bravo sticker. So I have officially and unabashedly established that I love attention and acknowledgment. One thing learned...check!

Yesterday I sat on the couch telling myself to ignore the headache that I probably had given myself anyway and get up and do something. It took a lot of convincing but I did. I reheated left overs at the complaints of Brenna and I took pride in forcing Kyle to try a green pea again. He ate half of one. Baby steps! After dinner I took the kids down to the school and I walked the track while they played on the playground. I called my mom's house and got my sister (super jealous - wish I was there!)  and got the pat on the back I was looking for. I'm shameless.

Today I start full force with learning to eat in a way that is works for me and my body. A healthier way without giving up my favorites. It'll be a long process I know so here's where I learn patience and hopefully over time more about me. Who knows - maybe I really do enjoy cooking. Maybe I'll find that I enjoy activities more than napping. And maybe I won't - but the goal here is to find a happy medium at least. I want to accept myself for who I really am but also challenge myself to strive to be the best me.

"If we did all the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves."
Thomas A Edison


"The best thing you can do is get good at being you."
Dennis the Menace