Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
I have tried for years to lose weight. I am usually successful at anything I put my mind to so at times I have had great success but never long term. Right when I'm about to reach the finish line I sabotage myself. I have been in that same pattern for so long that it is almost a reflex. I don't even realize I'm doing it.
My last blog post was a celebration of victory over my cravings. I'm getting closer to my lifetime healthy weight and I have been able to share with you how you too can overcome obstacles and win the race. But I don't have any right preaching to others unless I keep in practice with what I preach. I am writing today to apologize. I want to apologize to you for sharing my victory and turning around and losing my self-control. I want to apologize to myself for losing self-control and more importantly forgive myself and move forward. I want to apologize to God for losing self-control. I praised Him in my last post but in my heart I was praising myself more for the good choices. When we lose sight of where our strength comes from we can get weak. I did.
Here's the story...This isn't about cravings. I want to clarify to myself and to you that self sabotage isn't always food craving induced. I've been busy (blessedly busy) and I let my choices get less thoughtful and less prayerful. I came home late from a Challenge Party where I was sharing my story and encouraging others to help themselves and in my fridge I found left over Papa John's Cinna-pie. Without giving it a second thought I grabbed a piece - one won't hurt. I was right - one won't hurt. Its the self-control or lack there of that follows that choice that hurts. I immediately felt guilty and instead of praying and forgiving myself I vowed to keep my slip up a secret. Self-Sabotage begins...
Even if I don't tell anyone my body knows and more importantly than that God knows. He knows the secrets in my heart. (Psalm 44:21) God isn't mad at me for my choice. He wants the best for me. If I had eaten that piece of cinna-pie with no regret, made adjustments for it in my work-out or compromises with my other food choices then I would have been fine. Instead the secret festered inside my heart. My guilt grew and became disguised as entitlement. "I've worked hard, I deserve this pizza." Then turned into excuses, "If I just take of one side of the bun off this burger (greasy, full fat, McBadword burger loaded with full fat mayo) then I'll be fine." I can't justify bad choices. I can't continue to reach my goals and hopefully spread motivation to anyone who wants my help or hears my story if I don't have self control in all things. We're all human. We all fall short of God's glory. So I confess today that I have caught myself in my pattern of self destruction and I WILL overcome.
Every obstacle including the ones we place before ourselves are just opportunities to learn and grow and gain strength. I challenge you today to recognize your self sabotage and areas where you may lack self-control. Confess and forgive and grow stronger with me.
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prayer. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
The night I accepted the challenge and why I've been married 10 years and counting...
Today is the 10th year anniversary of my marriage to Joey. He is truly a God send and I work hard daily to live up to being the kind of wife he deserves. I'm sure I fall short most days but he swears I'm the best. :)
In my previous post I mentioned being aware and ready to accept what God lays before us. Over 10 years ago I knew I believed that God existed but I wasn't ready to give myself to Him. I was at the end of my college days and felt like I didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian and I felt - like most things in my life that I couldn't live up to it anyway - so why bother trying. Then I met Joey. He didn't preach his faith to me like a lot of the Christians I had met in my college area. Instead he lived it as well as he could being a human. In fact in my eyes, he lived it better than a hand full of some of the Christians that had attempted to get me closer to God. I fell in love with this man for many reasons. One day while on the back of his motorcycle riding through the mountains we passed a little country church with a sign that said, "When you look into the eyes of Love, you'll see the eyes of God." Wow - Its not everyday that God sends us a sign in actual sign form!!! I realized that day how much I had to learn from this man and I knew at that moment I would one day marry him. SO here's to 10 years boogie! I love you dearly!
Now about the night I joined the challenge...
When Suzanne came to my house to throw a challenge party I knew before she got there that I was ready to change my health. I was nervous but like I've said before I'd ignored the signs long enough watching her receive the blessing I'd been begging for so I made myself ready to do my part.
I was sitting down with Suzanne to sign up when Joey came home with the kids and announced that the transmission was going out in the van. Transmission going out equals breaks working just fine on my drive to a better me. :( Again - my husband comes thru with his usual faith and encouragement. He pulls me off to the side and told me that I can do anything and that we'll find a way. Maybe this is a sign that God wants me to jump in with both feet and face Challenges and life head on. And so I pushed the fear and doubt to the back and I jumped in with both feet!
Sometimes when we try to break free of the things we've allowed to hold us back - that is when we have to brace ourselves for the obstacles that will be thrown in our way. Money is always a good excuse to keep us from bettering ourselves. Its easy to blame money or time for our inability to change. Yet we some how justify spending our money and time on things that aren't healthy or things that don't nourish us.
Everyday I face obstacles, big and small, but I am learning to jump in with both feet like Joey encouraged me to do that night. I've found that no matter what if I hold my head high and do the things I don't always want to do and more than anything pray hard and pray often, then I make it through. No everyday isn't perfect and happy - but I get stronger everyday and that and 10 years of marriage is something to be proud of.
Take risks and never give up! Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself.
In my previous post I mentioned being aware and ready to accept what God lays before us. Over 10 years ago I knew I believed that God existed but I wasn't ready to give myself to Him. I was at the end of my college days and felt like I didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian and I felt - like most things in my life that I couldn't live up to it anyway - so why bother trying. Then I met Joey. He didn't preach his faith to me like a lot of the Christians I had met in my college area. Instead he lived it as well as he could being a human. In fact in my eyes, he lived it better than a hand full of some of the Christians that had attempted to get me closer to God. I fell in love with this man for many reasons. One day while on the back of his motorcycle riding through the mountains we passed a little country church with a sign that said, "When you look into the eyes of Love, you'll see the eyes of God." Wow - Its not everyday that God sends us a sign in actual sign form!!! I realized that day how much I had to learn from this man and I knew at that moment I would one day marry him. SO here's to 10 years boogie! I love you dearly!
Now about the night I joined the challenge...
When Suzanne came to my house to throw a challenge party I knew before she got there that I was ready to change my health. I was nervous but like I've said before I'd ignored the signs long enough watching her receive the blessing I'd been begging for so I made myself ready to do my part.
I was sitting down with Suzanne to sign up when Joey came home with the kids and announced that the transmission was going out in the van. Transmission going out equals breaks working just fine on my drive to a better me. :( Again - my husband comes thru with his usual faith and encouragement. He pulls me off to the side and told me that I can do anything and that we'll find a way. Maybe this is a sign that God wants me to jump in with both feet and face Challenges and life head on. And so I pushed the fear and doubt to the back and I jumped in with both feet!
Sometimes when we try to break free of the things we've allowed to hold us back - that is when we have to brace ourselves for the obstacles that will be thrown in our way. Money is always a good excuse to keep us from bettering ourselves. Its easy to blame money or time for our inability to change. Yet we some how justify spending our money and time on things that aren't healthy or things that don't nourish us.
Everyday I face obstacles, big and small, but I am learning to jump in with both feet like Joey encouraged me to do that night. I've found that no matter what if I hold my head high and do the things I don't always want to do and more than anything pray hard and pray often, then I make it through. No everyday isn't perfect and happy - but I get stronger everyday and that and 10 years of marriage is something to be proud of.
Take risks and never give up! Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself.
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