Had a great chat with my wonderful friend and mentor Suzanne Barger. Sometimes I wonder if we are sisters from another mother. I can always count on her to know exactly where I'm coming from and give me the push I need to get back on the right foot. So after reading her latest blogs and having a heart to heart with her I have decided to really come out and be honest with myself and with you...
Here it is, It hurts to admit but I'm struggling. It is so much easier to make bad choices when it comes to food. Bad choices are convenient, they taste good, the taste is comforting and they don't take much effort or thought. Good choices require planning and compromises and this time of year I just don't want to do that.
Last April I was a chronic napper who lived on coffee, sweets and fast food. I spent as little active time with my friends and family as possible because all I wanted to do was sit or sleep. With the tools I found - The Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge and the team that comes along with that - I successfully grew thinner and more healthy. I stand by this Health platform with all my heart but I'm admitting today that this isn't always as easy as it looks.
Here I am 8 months later, fluctuating between 50-56 pounds lighter, more healthy than I've been since childhood and still life can get me down. I'm human and I want to admit my struggles for two reasons. One, so I can be honest with myself and learn to grow beyond my struggles and two, so I can be honest with you and help you grow beyond your struggles.
This time of year can be hard for many reasons, the food is yummy and being gifted, the stress is high, sadness can creep in from loss, etc. Everyone has their own story and triggers. So know that you are not alone.
I'm here, I'm struggling, but I'm not giving up! Praying for God's guidance for myself and for you. I will do my best to overcome these struggles and continue modeling a healthy life but a real life so that I can help as many people as possible do the same. I am so thankful to my team for the constant support that we give each other, without them and the yummy tools that Visalus provides I would never have made it this far and I wouldn't have the determination to fight this lull and rise above it! Love you all!
If you wanna join us let me know! :)
Check out Suzanne's Blog at www.bringingsexymamaback.wordpress.com
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
The night I accepted the challenge and why I've been married 10 years and counting...
Today is the 10th year anniversary of my marriage to Joey. He is truly a God send and I work hard daily to live up to being the kind of wife he deserves. I'm sure I fall short most days but he swears I'm the best. :)
In my previous post I mentioned being aware and ready to accept what God lays before us. Over 10 years ago I knew I believed that God existed but I wasn't ready to give myself to Him. I was at the end of my college days and felt like I didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian and I felt - like most things in my life that I couldn't live up to it anyway - so why bother trying. Then I met Joey. He didn't preach his faith to me like a lot of the Christians I had met in my college area. Instead he lived it as well as he could being a human. In fact in my eyes, he lived it better than a hand full of some of the Christians that had attempted to get me closer to God. I fell in love with this man for many reasons. One day while on the back of his motorcycle riding through the mountains we passed a little country church with a sign that said, "When you look into the eyes of Love, you'll see the eyes of God." Wow - Its not everyday that God sends us a sign in actual sign form!!! I realized that day how much I had to learn from this man and I knew at that moment I would one day marry him. SO here's to 10 years boogie! I love you dearly!
Now about the night I joined the challenge...
When Suzanne came to my house to throw a challenge party I knew before she got there that I was ready to change my health. I was nervous but like I've said before I'd ignored the signs long enough watching her receive the blessing I'd been begging for so I made myself ready to do my part.
I was sitting down with Suzanne to sign up when Joey came home with the kids and announced that the transmission was going out in the van. Transmission going out equals breaks working just fine on my drive to a better me. :( Again - my husband comes thru with his usual faith and encouragement. He pulls me off to the side and told me that I can do anything and that we'll find a way. Maybe this is a sign that God wants me to jump in with both feet and face Challenges and life head on. And so I pushed the fear and doubt to the back and I jumped in with both feet!
Sometimes when we try to break free of the things we've allowed to hold us back - that is when we have to brace ourselves for the obstacles that will be thrown in our way. Money is always a good excuse to keep us from bettering ourselves. Its easy to blame money or time for our inability to change. Yet we some how justify spending our money and time on things that aren't healthy or things that don't nourish us.
Everyday I face obstacles, big and small, but I am learning to jump in with both feet like Joey encouraged me to do that night. I've found that no matter what if I hold my head high and do the things I don't always want to do and more than anything pray hard and pray often, then I make it through. No everyday isn't perfect and happy - but I get stronger everyday and that and 10 years of marriage is something to be proud of.
Take risks and never give up! Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself.
In my previous post I mentioned being aware and ready to accept what God lays before us. Over 10 years ago I knew I believed that God existed but I wasn't ready to give myself to Him. I was at the end of my college days and felt like I didn't truly understand what it meant to be a Christian and I felt - like most things in my life that I couldn't live up to it anyway - so why bother trying. Then I met Joey. He didn't preach his faith to me like a lot of the Christians I had met in my college area. Instead he lived it as well as he could being a human. In fact in my eyes, he lived it better than a hand full of some of the Christians that had attempted to get me closer to God. I fell in love with this man for many reasons. One day while on the back of his motorcycle riding through the mountains we passed a little country church with a sign that said, "When you look into the eyes of Love, you'll see the eyes of God." Wow - Its not everyday that God sends us a sign in actual sign form!!! I realized that day how much I had to learn from this man and I knew at that moment I would one day marry him. SO here's to 10 years boogie! I love you dearly!
Now about the night I joined the challenge...
When Suzanne came to my house to throw a challenge party I knew before she got there that I was ready to change my health. I was nervous but like I've said before I'd ignored the signs long enough watching her receive the blessing I'd been begging for so I made myself ready to do my part.
I was sitting down with Suzanne to sign up when Joey came home with the kids and announced that the transmission was going out in the van. Transmission going out equals breaks working just fine on my drive to a better me. :( Again - my husband comes thru with his usual faith and encouragement. He pulls me off to the side and told me that I can do anything and that we'll find a way. Maybe this is a sign that God wants me to jump in with both feet and face Challenges and life head on. And so I pushed the fear and doubt to the back and I jumped in with both feet!
Sometimes when we try to break free of the things we've allowed to hold us back - that is when we have to brace ourselves for the obstacles that will be thrown in our way. Money is always a good excuse to keep us from bettering ourselves. Its easy to blame money or time for our inability to change. Yet we some how justify spending our money and time on things that aren't healthy or things that don't nourish us.
Everyday I face obstacles, big and small, but I am learning to jump in with both feet like Joey encouraged me to do that night. I've found that no matter what if I hold my head high and do the things I don't always want to do and more than anything pray hard and pray often, then I make it through. No everyday isn't perfect and happy - but I get stronger everyday and that and 10 years of marriage is something to be proud of.
Take risks and never give up! Don't let your biggest obstacle be yourself.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Life, internal dialogs and other excuses...
It's been crazy around here! When life bombards with stress its easy to start making excuses. I've been thinking about writing and I've been wanting to write but I've been making excuses. I even thought I'd write about all the excuses why I haven't written - as if you are really interested in my excuses or the stress in my life. After pondering all this I decided that my excuses aren't helping me and surely wouldn't help you if I were to pour them out for your reading pleasure.
So why do we make excuses? Fear is probably one of the main reasons we make excuses, fear of failure, rejection, effort and success, fear of change. I think many of us dislike change even if we don't notice that about ourselves. When things stay the same it feels normal. There's nothing to fear because we know what to expect, we know what is expected of us and we know that the amount of effort needed doesn't change much either. When things feel normal we think we know ourselves but deep down we know there is something missing.
For me I'm sure that I'm afraid of success. Sounds strange but I have noticed a pattern of failing to try and quitting just before reaching the goal. Is that crazy or what? But I know now that my excuses and my fear are part of the reason I started this blog. Fear and excuses have caused me to miss out and to feel the desire for knowing myself better.
We all have an internal dialog. Part of the excuse habit stems from the constant conversation we have with ourselves. If we remind ourselves of our fears and justify our excuses then we'll never get where we want to be with ourselves.
No one ever excused his way to success. ~Dave Del Dotto
So where to go from here? I'm starting by rereading The Power of Words
I obviously need to remind myself of the importance of making an effort to have a polite and kind inner dialog. When I catch myself justifying my excuses instead of taking the action that I truly am capable of I'm going to change my thoughts and change my words. I'm going to work hard at not accepting guilt I haven't earned including guilt that I needlessly put on myself. I'm going to make goals and keep records of progress. It is important to notice progress (even baby steps) and to take pride in that - even reward myself.
I also think I'll do some research on some of the people I admire. Starting with Benjamin Franklin. Every time I search online or pick up a book about self confidence, drive, taking responsibility and all the things I'd like to improve on, there I find a quote or mention of Ben Franklin and his words seem to always inspire. So I'll start there and I'll start now.
When and where will you start?
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin
So why do we make excuses? Fear is probably one of the main reasons we make excuses, fear of failure, rejection, effort and success, fear of change. I think many of us dislike change even if we don't notice that about ourselves. When things stay the same it feels normal. There's nothing to fear because we know what to expect, we know what is expected of us and we know that the amount of effort needed doesn't change much either. When things feel normal we think we know ourselves but deep down we know there is something missing.
For me I'm sure that I'm afraid of success. Sounds strange but I have noticed a pattern of failing to try and quitting just before reaching the goal. Is that crazy or what? But I know now that my excuses and my fear are part of the reason I started this blog. Fear and excuses have caused me to miss out and to feel the desire for knowing myself better.
We all have an internal dialog. Part of the excuse habit stems from the constant conversation we have with ourselves. If we remind ourselves of our fears and justify our excuses then we'll never get where we want to be with ourselves.
No one ever excused his way to success. ~Dave Del Dotto
So where to go from here? I'm starting by rereading The Power of Words
I obviously need to remind myself of the importance of making an effort to have a polite and kind inner dialog. When I catch myself justifying my excuses instead of taking the action that I truly am capable of I'm going to change my thoughts and change my words. I'm going to work hard at not accepting guilt I haven't earned including guilt that I needlessly put on myself. I'm going to make goals and keep records of progress. It is important to notice progress (even baby steps) and to take pride in that - even reward myself.
I also think I'll do some research on some of the people I admire. Starting with Benjamin Franklin. Every time I search online or pick up a book about self confidence, drive, taking responsibility and all the things I'd like to improve on, there I find a quote or mention of Ben Franklin and his words seem to always inspire. So I'll start there and I'll start now.
When and where will you start?
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. – Benjamin Franklin
Monday, January 30, 2012
NEED to WANT less
Blurry eyed and feeling my way to the kitchen I thought to myself, "I need coffee!" Again I am reminded of the power of words. It struck me that I could possibly improve on myself by distinguishing between my needs and wants. I so freely use the word "need." I need new salt and pepper shakers, I need a new hair style, I need creamer for the needed coffee, I need chocolate and pizza and french fries! And then I'm depressed when it is out of my means to fill these so called needs. I sometimes easily forget how grateful I should be that my true needs are readily met.
As a parent I regularly look to God for inspiration and advice. I try to model myself as a parent the way that God "parents" me as my Father. I find that the less I want and the more I appreciate the more God provides. I try hard not to spoil my children with their frivolous wants unless I see that they have learned to appreciate the things I have already provided for them. I hold somewhat high expectations on my children in regards to this partly because I want to teach them to be better than I am and partly because I can not afford financially to satisfy many of their wants. Don't get me wrong - my children are plenty spoiled - they are not lacking in any of their true needs and they have more toys than some day-cares. But I try anyway to teach them to be thankful for these blessings and to resist the urge to want more and more. Not an easy task when to them it seems that their friends get the newest and greatest things daily. So how do I achieve this in a world where we justify our many wants by labeling them needs? I am not innocent of this. I encourage my children to want less and appreciate more, all while I am spelling out my wants as needs as if that is somehow better.
By just realizing and making an effort to correct my wording could I change my perspective? Realizing that wants come after needs are met and after financial, health and family necessities are met could make decision making an easier process and help me meet my goals. Not that I shouldn't have the things I want. After all there is more to life than just mere survival but setting real priorities could help all areas of my life...
Health - the food and activity that is needed to make my body healthy should always be my first choice.
Money - the spending that keeps our basic needs met should come first.
Family - this includes the health and money aspects and also...hygiene, education, time together, memory making and much more.
I see where making an effort to truly recognize the difference between my needs and wants and to fill my needs within my means will allow time and possibly even money for fulfilling my wants. More than anything correcting my wording will teach me to appreciate that my needs are met and that not having my wants met immediately isn't something to get sad or frustrated about. Modeling this thinking and behavior will do more to teach my children than any other efforts I have made in the past.
That said, I still feel the need for coffee, let's be realistic here, but the salt and pepper shakers really can wait!
As a parent I regularly look to God for inspiration and advice. I try to model myself as a parent the way that God "parents" me as my Father. I find that the less I want and the more I appreciate the more God provides. I try hard not to spoil my children with their frivolous wants unless I see that they have learned to appreciate the things I have already provided for them. I hold somewhat high expectations on my children in regards to this partly because I want to teach them to be better than I am and partly because I can not afford financially to satisfy many of their wants. Don't get me wrong - my children are plenty spoiled - they are not lacking in any of their true needs and they have more toys than some day-cares. But I try anyway to teach them to be thankful for these blessings and to resist the urge to want more and more. Not an easy task when to them it seems that their friends get the newest and greatest things daily. So how do I achieve this in a world where we justify our many wants by labeling them needs? I am not innocent of this. I encourage my children to want less and appreciate more, all while I am spelling out my wants as needs as if that is somehow better.
By just realizing and making an effort to correct my wording could I change my perspective? Realizing that wants come after needs are met and after financial, health and family necessities are met could make decision making an easier process and help me meet my goals. Not that I shouldn't have the things I want. After all there is more to life than just mere survival but setting real priorities could help all areas of my life...
Health - the food and activity that is needed to make my body healthy should always be my first choice.
Money - the spending that keeps our basic needs met should come first.
Family - this includes the health and money aspects and also...hygiene, education, time together, memory making and much more.
I see where making an effort to truly recognize the difference between my needs and wants and to fill my needs within my means will allow time and possibly even money for fulfilling my wants. More than anything correcting my wording will teach me to appreciate that my needs are met and that not having my wants met immediately isn't something to get sad or frustrated about. Modeling this thinking and behavior will do more to teach my children than any other efforts I have made in the past.
That said, I still feel the need for coffee, let's be realistic here, but the salt and pepper shakers really can wait!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
I'm Taking the Shot!
This isn't a hockey blog (although I'd like to have a little NHL back in my life, maybe when the debt gets paid off we'll be able to afford those channels!) I just found the Gretzky quote to be vastly appropriate. I find myself thinking mostly negative about myself. I look at myself and I feel like I've become the me that I've convinced myself I am and I'm not real happy with that person. I want so badly to be like one of the people I admire. I want to be confident, self-reliant, self-motivated, hard working and driven. I don't want to be too afraid or too unmotivated to take the shots.
I know if I step back and look carefully there are many things about me that I should love and be proud of - like being a mother, wife, daughter and friend. And even though I carry guilt regularly about not living up to these parts of myself, I know that I'm not bad or unworthy of those titles. Be it true or untrue, most times I don't know who I am outside of those titles and I believe if I can find that part of me - that part that I lost or that was never fully formed - then I can also feel more confident with my other titles.
I hope to learn who I am. Really get to know Jennifer - not just Brenna and Kyle's Mama. I need to be able to say I know what I like. I know what I want. I've gotten so wrapped up in the day to day and in my lack of motivation that I can't even tell you what I like to do for fun. This is going to change. I am not happy with my weight, my health or my lack of confidence and drive. This is going to change.
Years of ups and downs, changes and things that stayed the same have brought me to this point so I know I can't make changes over night. I have a lot to learn but I'm starting now. I'm taking as many shots as I can.
Read if you will, respond if you'd like, support me if you can. There will be more to come. I'd love feedback or stories of your own. Let me know how you take the shots and how you move forward when you feel you can't take the shots.
So this ends my first blog...just an introduction but I swung and I'm feeling better already.
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