Who am I? I am...

Anyone who has known me or has been following this blog knows that I started this because I wanted to make some changes in myself. I caught myself admiring successful people and wanting to be the kind of person that works hard, never gives up and achieves. I never saw myself as this type of person and I've been on a mission for years to change this.

I've tried almost everything, with my typical half-hearted effort though. But I never found a way to pull myself out of the slump of feeling worthless, unmotivated and lazy. Add to that that I was getting fatter and fatter and in turn less and less healthy and I was creating a person that had no drive and couldn't get thru the day without praying for a nap. Most days I'd find a way to get one even if it meant missing out on things in life. I'd rather be sleeping.  I was on a downhill slope and negativity was snowballing. Everything fed off of everything else. I was so tired so I needed a nap, I'd feel guilty for napping so I'd beat myself up telling myself how lazy and worthless I was, I'd feel miserable so I'd get more tired.

 I started to pray. I prayed hard and often about the same thing...God please help me. I feel so worthless and I want to be more. Help me to do better. Help me understand how to live for You. I want to feel like what I do and who I am matters. I know Lord that I am loved by You but I have dragged myself so low that I have a hard time even feeling that lately. Show me God what I need to break free from this low so that I may walk with You. Help me to have you in my thoughts, my words, my actions and my heart today and always. Amen.

And I prayed and nothing ever seemed to change. The next nap came and I told myself its ok - tomorrow I will change. And I prayed some more. I kept asking God to help me but I never really tried to help myself. I'm sure that God was sending me the signs I needed and putting me where I needed to be but I wasn't doing my part. I hadn't become willing to look and listen. I hadn't become willing to be Helped. Not even God can help someone that refuses to attempt to help themselves.

I watched my friend Suzanne Barger make changes in her life. The kind of changes I was looking for. I watched her and I ignored the signs and I envied her and I wanted to unfriend her on Facebook for shoving her happiness and success down my throat. How dare she be getting what I was praying for. And all the time she was asking me to join her and I ignored some more. But God and my husband and Suzanne diligently nudged me in the right directions until one day I asked for help because I was ready to help myself. I joined the Body By Vi 90 day Challenge with Suzanne.

Hear me out...This isn't just about weight loss.

Soon I'll backtrack and tell you all about the night I joined but for now lets jump ahead. Joining the Challenge gave me accountability and I was blessed to have joined on a unwavering team with the most friendly, knowledgeable and supportive people  across the country. Add to that a product that needs no explanation because the results speak for themselves and I was finally given the tools I needed to make real changes. Thank you God!

Weight loss has been fairly easy for lack of better words. I'm 41 pounds down today about 1/3 into my 2nd 90 day challenge. I have energy and I feel like a different person. This weekend I went out in the heat to play with the kids and other family I was visiting  instead of sleeping while everyone else played with my kids! Not only that - I enjoyed it even though it was hot! AND after we came in from the heat and my nephew making me chase ground balls around the baseball field - I still wasn't worn out! I've built stamina! I'm not missing out on my life anymore! I'm challenging myself and I striving to be my best! I'm working hard even on days I don't really feel like it. I'm not giving up - I'm pushing through. I'm transforming more than my body! I am working on all of me!

Today I asked all of my family and friends to describe me in one word. I wanted to know how other people described me so I could focus on becoming the word I want to be known for. I didn't know what to expect. I was thinking I'd get things like friend or kind - typical words that people that love you say. The word I got several times was Driven! What!? Me?! I am becoming the person I have always know I can be. I am a Challenger! I am an Achiever! I AM DRIVEN!

Do yourself a favor - Help yourself! Don't ignore the signs as long as I did! Look and Listen!

On Friends...

Coming from a close knit family where we tend to view each other as friends makes it sometimes hard to find true friends outside of that. I have come to learn that having friends both inside and outside of family brings a cavalry of  support, guidance, love, memories, laughter, tears and more laughter. Quantity doesn't matter. But knowing you have a friend or friends that you can count on can make you feel at ease. Friends sometimes take the back seat when life starts moving along and the days turn to weeks before I realize I'm missing someone. I'd like to make a better effort to focus on my true friends more - if nothing but a quick call to say hello or better yet a weekly coffee date. These people need to be reminded that I treasure them. And I need the joy that they bring me!

My advice to you...Call a friend today! Find the time.

Looking Forward

The problem with putting yourself down a lot is that it keeps you there. If you tell yourself how wrong, undeserving and worthless you are long enough you find yourself standing still looking around and seeing nothing.

I recently received a wonderful email from one of my favorite uncles. He said some things that started me thinking. My husband has been sick and I haven't had time to do much, but with all the time I've spent in doctor's offices, ER's and by my husbands side at home I've gained a little perspective while pondering this email.  I'd like to share some of what he said with you..."Life is like driving a boat. To get where you want to go you focus on the horizon, not 10 feet in front. There will be waves between you and the horizon, but that's the "small stuff". You ride over them and continue toward your focused target. You can never steer a boat by looking at the wake, never look backward."

My uncle suggested that I understand and focus on the priorities in my life leaving less time to worry with the little things that really don't matter. I realized how much time I spend standing still with my life, looking only at the little things and causing my own stress instead of taking action and looking forward. I've spent the past few days really thinking about this. What really are my priorities? How can I keep myself focused and looking forward?

The people, places and things that mean the most to me can be summed up in three words that have almost reached the point of becoming cliche thanks to the trend of hanging words as home decor (a trend that I do love).

Faith, Family and Friends. These three words and the sum of what they truly are make up my priorities. These are the things I see on my horizon but are also with me at all times too.There will be more on this but right now I'm still tending to and pondering these things.

Now a moment of pride in myself related to looking forward...I have attempted Weight Watchers going on 3 times now. Each time this program worked well for me but I never learned to forgive myself when I didn't eat or exercise as well as I should. This weekend I didn't make the best food choices but I looked ahead. Without much effort I forgave myself. I understand the reasons why I didn't eat as well and I accepted that as the past and not a reason for giving up! I kept tracking my food and I tried to look and move forward - and I did it! Even with the Cajun Filet Biscuit with Cheese, Seasoned Fried and that super yummy bite of Brenna's cinnamon pecan twist, I lost .6lbs. Not a lot but still a loss and and lesson learned! I'm super proud of myself and I don't regret a thing. Bojangles was just a wave but I kept my eyes on the horizon! Thanks Uncle John! You rock! :)

By the way - my total loss to date is 5.2! Yay me!