Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
I have tried for years to lose weight. I am usually successful at anything I put my mind to so at times I have had great success but never long term. Right when I'm about to reach the finish line I sabotage myself. I have been in that same pattern for so long that it is almost a reflex. I don't even realize I'm doing it.
My last blog post was a celebration of victory over my cravings. I'm getting closer to my lifetime healthy weight and I have been able to share with you how you too can overcome obstacles and win the race. But I don't have any right preaching to others unless I keep in practice with what I preach. I am writing today to apologize. I want to apologize to you for sharing my victory and turning around and losing my self-control. I want to apologize to myself for losing self-control and more importantly forgive myself and move forward. I want to apologize to God for losing self-control. I praised Him in my last post but in my heart I was praising myself more for the good choices. When we lose sight of where our strength comes from we can get weak. I did.
Here's the story...This isn't about cravings. I want to clarify to myself and to you that self sabotage isn't always food craving induced. I've been busy (blessedly busy) and I let my choices get less thoughtful and less prayerful. I came home late from a Challenge Party where I was sharing my story and encouraging others to help themselves and in my fridge I found left over Papa John's Cinna-pie. Without giving it a second thought I grabbed a piece - one won't hurt. I was right - one won't hurt. Its the self-control or lack there of that follows that choice that hurts. I immediately felt guilty and instead of praying and forgiving myself I vowed to keep my slip up a secret. Self-Sabotage begins...
Even if I don't tell anyone my body knows and more importantly than that God knows. He knows the secrets in my heart. (Psalm 44:21) God isn't mad at me for my choice. He wants the best for me. If I had eaten that piece of cinna-pie with no regret, made adjustments for it in my work-out or compromises with my other food choices then I would have been fine. Instead the secret festered inside my heart. My guilt grew and became disguised as entitlement. "I've worked hard, I deserve this pizza." Then turned into excuses, "If I just take of one side of the bun off this burger (greasy, full fat, McBadword burger loaded with full fat mayo) then I'll be fine." I can't justify bad choices. I can't continue to reach my goals and hopefully spread motivation to anyone who wants my help or hears my story if I don't have self control in all things. We're all human. We all fall short of God's glory. So I confess today that I have caught myself in my pattern of self destruction and I WILL overcome.
Every obstacle including the ones we place before ourselves are just opportunities to learn and grow and gain strength. I challenge you today to recognize your self sabotage and areas where you may lack self-control. Confess and forgive and grow stronger with me.
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